In this paper, cured samples with different crosslink densities was prepared by epoxy resin/boron resin (EP/BPF), at the same time, the relationship between the cross-linked structure and the friction and wear properties of the prepared coatings was investigated from the perspective of stress. The thermomechanical properties were tested to obtain the energy storage modulus and glass transition temperature, and the resin cross-linked structure parameters were also calculated based on the crosslink density calculation equation; The friction coefficient and wear rate of the coatings were tested by a reciprocating friction tester and a three-dimensional profiler. It was found that the elastic modulus and tensile strength of the resin material increased and then decreased as the crosslink density of the boron phenolic modified epoxy resin increased, with the maximum elastic modulus being 1 572 MPa. It was found by finite element simulation that the stress of the coating did not change significantly (33.7-47 MPa) under the same load, but it showed a pattern of increasing and then decreasing with the increase of the crosslink density. Further calculations showed that the stress margin of the coating also showed an increase and then decrease with the increase of the crosslink density (0.04-1.07). In addition, the finite element simulation results and the mechanical property test results of the coating show that the wear rate of the coating is negatively correlated with the stress margin, namely the stress margin of the coating increases and then decreases as the crosslink density of the resin increases, while the wear of the coating decreases and then increases. Among them, the stress margin of the coating is the largest and the wear resistance is the best when the crosslink density of the boron phenolic modified epoxy resin is 936 mol/m3. Therefore, by adjusting the crosslink density of the resin system, the mechanical strength of the resin can be effectively regulated, thus achieving optimization of the friction and wear properties of the coating and laying the foundation for the design and preparation of high-load and long-life lubricant coatings.